Sadie: You have said in an interview that, “I will play with men or women of any sexual orientation – gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual, transsexual. It doesn’t really matter to me in terms of the S&M play.” How do you differentiate between the erotic of making love, and the erotic of BDSM play? Why does a partner’s gender matter less when it comes to BDSM?
Cléo: SM for me is not only about sexuality. It is also about personal growth, healing, intimacy and spirituality. Energy is energy. Energy has no gender or sexual orientation. Energy cycling between players can be a big turn on. We need big pleasure that connects us to ourselves and to the Divine. That pleasure (or should I call it pain/pleasure/surrender) I have found in the erotic rituals we call S/M. Intense sensations, experienced in trust and respect, can not only increase intimacy with our partner(s) but also open the door to our inner spaces and allow our spirit to soar.
Sadie: You offer a variety of training to couples. What do you find they most need from you as a coach? What are some of the high points and challenges of working with couples?
Cléo: What I mostly find is needed from me is acceptance, encouragement and reassurance. As a result of what I’ve learned in my 15 years as a Professional Domina, I encourage people to come out to their partners. I provide them with some of the tools to do so. I encourage them to share their fantasies, get over their fears, might it be performance anxiety or hurting each other. I also share breathing techniques, play dynamics, and of course, ways to use various toys.
I absolutely love to see a woman discover that, with a little guidance, not only can she take control but also enjoy herself in the process. It is very satisfying to see the change from ‘afraid and nervous’ to ’empowered and smiling’ after an afternoon of guided playtime.
There are challenges, of course, like a man who expects his wife to have the same scene expertise as the Mistress he has secretly seen. Another challenge is for me to find a way to empower the new Top who may feel repercussions if Her/His scene does not go so well. I help Her/Him to discover what boundaries can be gently pushed and how to communicate effectively during play.
I also focus on parity, not only on the enjoyment of the Dominant but also on the needs of the submissive who enables the power exchange. I am convinced that it is an important factor to keep in mind in regard to BDSM explorations. A satisfying, sexy balance needs to be found to make it work for both partners.
Sadie: What kind of couples do you accept into training? What do you look for as far as personality characteristics?
Cléo: People are people, and if they are willing to negotiate, so am I. I negotiate with all, straight, bi, lesbian, trans folks. I am very honored that both heterosexual and queer lesbian couples are seeking my services. In fact a few gay men also visit my dungeon for ritualized energy play, be it flogging or piercing. I think that the sadistic and yet caring Mother archetype calls to them in the privacy of my Dungeon/Temple.
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